'Mimetic poly-alloy' fuss-ball!

APFSCIL Division One, Sun 15th Jan, 2006

Stoke City 2 Norwich City 4

"Gallagher I just couldn't do it to my girlfriend, well she's currently not my girlfriend you see, we're on a break she want's time and space and I'm prepared to give it to her and......." Oh fucks sake Slater shut up. Be a man like Perrett and shag anything that cooeying moves! By the way Tom thats the only compliment youll get here. An arduos trip to Frazers house for a lift to the game for Gallagher having to listen to the ramblings of a man who refused a poor young bubblegum girls pleas to be done from behind by the pale one. Only a look at Perrets mobile to see the state him, and prospective signing Rico Time, were in the previous night gave me any joy at all.

Seeing a gang of hoodies, smoking the biggest spliff I've ever seen, right outside the club house in Saddam Road would only to serve to strike fear into the hearts of lesser men than Captain Callum and his gang of rockstar wannabees. Inhaling some of their fumes though managed to calm down Perrett and Slater who were still a bit mystefied having seen Rico's black dong being thrashed around in their jacuzzi at an ungodly hour of the morning.

Anyway the match, no wait I nearly forgot that in the warm up Slater threw a few in his own net. Bloody hair got in his eyes didn't it, a new alice band should do the trick.

Manager Andy Higgins took a bold step in changing the tried and trusted 352 to a 352 only with the fith midfielder playing in front of the midfield as preferred to the back four. Would this kamikaze approach pay off? Do bears shit in the woods? Norwich started the match the better side, mainly because they are and a super through ball by Callum released a rejuvenated Gallagher down the left channel. Skipping past the 50 year right back was not easy but finishing in the corner from an angle past the hapless keeper was. 1 - 0 Norwich.

Expecting a rout and believing the hype that has surrounded the club since bashing the 'invincibles' (Hibs) TWICE, Norwich ended up conceding a sloppy goal to bring the scores level. Schoolboy error.

With half time drawing near, a small chav in the stoke team decided to kick the ball away for the 100th time with no punishment from the ref, so Gallagher decided it was a good idea to barge the 4 foot wonder. Little did he know the other 10 stoke players, who were more reminiscent of basketball than football players, would come and throw punches. Two hit Gallagher. Rephrase two poofs hit Gallagher, no one was not Slater! They must have been as Gallagher was not moved an inch, probably because he was in a headlock! Before all hell broke loose the ref called for half time with the scores level.

Half Time 1 - 1.

At half time Norwich mused whether to walk away from all the aggro. "No way we stay and play these off the park" was the rallying call of our braveheart skipper. Rich Stephenson muttered something about inches. Bored of hearing the speech again Higgins promptly subbed him! Andy Parling also came into the fray replacing Nick Seech.

Matt Davies, on for Rich and fresh from his latest modelling assignment, scored straight from the restart. A good strong finish past keeps. The second half was a fierce contest and with both Slats and Stokes keeps making saves the next goal could have gone either way. Unfortunately it went to Stoke. A good long range strike that had Barnaby Elliot Boot the third beaten all ends up, fair play. 2 - 2.

Norwich needed to up the tempo and play more football. So they did. Midway through the second half, Davies, shocked at being left out because of jealousy from the players about his superior good looks, scored another. Who cares if he was offside, not me! A cool finish past keeps into the top corner.

All that was left was for Danno Taylor to score what is now becoming his obligatory goal from a corner. Good delivery from Perre..... whoa nearly gave him another compliment. 4 - 2. I wont even mention here the chances I brilliantly set up only for Davies to kill some wildlife in the trees behind the goal.

Norwich won the game because they are better. Simple

MOTM Gallagher bloody right as well.