Contrary to earlier reports, Norwich City 3rd team striker Chris Gallagher is not actually dead. It is believed that he made an attempt to fake his own death which only failed when he was spotted breathing during his own post mortem.
When his stomach was seen moving up and down doctors removed a thin latex layer from the face to reveal that it was not in fact Chris Gallagher but actually Dermot Gallagher in a Chris Gallagher mask. Dermot Gallagher is currently being questioned by the police.
Chris Gallagher is still at large. It is believed that he is a threat to everything except the top goalscorers charts and should not be approached.
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