Matt and Daughter, Hope Lily - born 17.12.06 (after letting Matt score his hatrick!)Sunday 17th December 2006
This date will go down in history, not only because Norwich gave Brum a deserved thrashing, but it is the birthday of record breaking hitman Matt Davies daughter, congratulations Matt on behalf of the whole squad, but beware my friend Perrett has shotgunned her when she turns sixteen.
And so it has come to this. Twelve months ago this Canaries team was struggling for form, lacking consistency and staring at a mid table finish. Fast forward a year and things could not be more different. A young(ish), determined squad of players, under the leadership of football guru Andrew Higgins, have put Norwich where they truly belong at the top of the APFSCIL tree, unbeaten and looking to re-write the history books. It has not been easy, not without sacrifice (Bubblegums 2006 profits have been severely hit) but it has been worth it, the job however is far from done and as Norwich go into the second half of the season they face some almighty challenges, however no team was ever better prepared to take it on. Well done in 2006 lads and lets make 2007 the year of the silverware!
Slater, in the absence of Higgins who was picking up his OBE for his achievements in football this year (only one league defeat this calendar year!), was picking the team in collaboration with skipper Rick Utting who was in the comfort of First Class, not bothering to make it on time for the grudge match against Brum. Slater, not in the best of mental states after the bus conductor spotted that he was a big poof and good old Bill McComish slated his bender hat, had some descisions to make. Should Pete or Gareth play centre back? Should returning Player of the Year Dan Taylor start or go sub? Should he come of the closet? Should he have told the lads about Rico moving in with his missus? Anyway, the G Man and Danno got the nod and the teams took to the field ready to tear stripes off each other having faced off in some fiery encounters earlier in the season.
The first of these encounters was refereed by a helpful chap who we were all led to believe was a neutral doing us all a favour. Suspicions were raised when he refereed like a blind spastic, but we were all assured he was as honest as the day is long. However, when we saw him lining up on the subs bench for Brum we knew we had been cheated out of all three points that day in November. Davies, yet to know he was about to become a father, summed it up best when he said "You cheating cunt"! This just made it all the more pleasing that we spanked their blue arses all over the park in the following contests (though they weren't much of a contest at all)!
The game itself was an absolute farce. Birmingham clearly did not deserve to be on the same pitch as their superior rivals, and this was evident from the start. Having totally dominated the opening exchanges Norwich finally made the breakthrough when Tett put in a super cross from the right and Davies finish showed exactly why he resides at the top of the goalscoring charts, quality left foot first time effort leaving keeps stranded. Birmingham must have known by now that they were going to be on the wrong side of a hiding. Soon after, Gallagher raced down the right and cut the ball back to Tett who scored via a deflection into the bottom corner.
Norwich carried on dominating their opponents right up until half time though did not rack up the cricket score that the half had promised to deliver. Davies and Gallagher were causing problems up front, and the trio in midfield of Jelbert, Tett and Boucher were busy out battling and out classing their moaning, stroppy opponents. Perrett and Frazer were giving a masterclass in wing back play, and Slats, G and Danno kept all threats at bay (though there were not many).
The second half was to bring nothing but misery to the moaning cheats in blue. Almost straight from the kick off Gallagher picked up a Boucher throughie and sped through on goal. Not for the first time this term Gallagher showed his unselfish nature and allowed his partner Davies to notch a second. Davies, who loves to score open goals from two yards, said to Gallagher, "Thanks"! Davies was not finished yet though, and when Perrett swung over another well taken corner Davies repeated the trick and fired home from close range, much to the annoyance of the keeper who had pre-occupied himself by wrestling Gallagher, what a schoolboy.
It really was getting boring how crap Birmingham were playing and Davies did what most people felt like doing and left. It was initially assumed by the more cynical of us that he was doing this just to take the piss out of his less predatory partner but it later transpired that he was busy delivering his first born in full Norwich City kit. Textbook. But then again Davies always delivers in a Norwich City kit.
Birmingham did get a goal but that was crap so wont get much of a mention here. What will get a mention here is the reaction to it. Slater had a full blown paddy and screamed "Not good enough" about nine times. If the lads didn't know yet this confirmed just what a posh twat he really is.
The scoring was rounded off when Gallagher, Norwich's player of the year in waiting, netted a stunning solo effort after being released by the energetic Jelbert, who was having a ball making the stroppy No. 5 bite at every opportunity. Textbook.
Birmingham only show of a bit of fight was their linesman. Having been closely tutored by their cheating ref he proceeded to give offside at every opportunity even before a forward pass had been played. Norwich were so far ahead this did not bother them so he took alternative action. Perrett went to take a throw in and got tackled by the pikie in blue. It says it all that this was the best tackle he put in all day, vindicating his gaffers descision to sub the useless git.
Feeling a bit bad that Birmingham were embarassing themselves so badly, Norwich inflicted a bit of self harm. First Tett showed his generous side by attempting to cross to Gallagher and landing flat on his face with the ball pea rolling in the other direction, classic. Slater however thought he could do better and when Gallagher squared the ball across the face of goal yet again Slater managed to lift the ball over the bar from one yard, quite a remarkable feat.
There was time for Perrett to get cruelly scythed down by the No.6 in blue. This No. 6 and his partner the No. 5 must surely be thinking that suicide is the only option after the way they played , and also the way that they bit at every wind up "OH JUST SHUT UP, GOSH!!!", Slater would fit into their team well.
So well done lads, you really showed that when you get eleven men out you do perform better than with nine, barely. Next time we play you we will let you play with twelve, but that won't be this season as we have already dumped you out of the cup.
Anyway, what a year for the boys in yellow, now is the time to push on and become the invincibles. I can only imagine what the win bonus will be if we win the double, Andy I'll email you xmas list this week!
MotM: Gallagher
Keeps 7
Looked assured and confident when called upon.
D. Taylor 8
Back where he left off, dominant in the air and on the deck
G. Howard 8
Strong performance from the G man
B. Slater 9
Played in all the central positions today, quality in all of them
T. Perrett 8
Fine display from the wide man
F. Wilson 8
Good to see him back in this kind of form
T. Boucher 8
Engaged, (congrats Tom) and played a great game
I. Jelbert 8
Kept his promise to feed Gallagher, what a guy
G. Tett 8
Another goal for the midfielder, should have got a brace
M. Davies 9
Another Hat trick, legendary stuff
C. Gallagher 10
Stunning performance capped by a stunning goal
P. Harris 8
Who would know he can play like that as a striker
N. Seecharan 8
Energetic performance from the club man
R. Utting 9
What else do you expect but a top drawer performance from Mr Reliable
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