CCFC 9 Exeter City As 2

Team Line-up: tbc

With the rain lashing down on proceedings for the first time this season at the Civil Service Sports Ground the Capital Canaries ensured the day was about to get even drearier for the travelling fans of Exeter.

Within minutes of the ‘camp as you like’ referee signalling the beginning of the tie, Davies received a sitter of an opportunity and dutifully headed the ball home from close range after some ‘argy-bargy’ in the Exeter box. The goal was not however Norwich’s first opportunity, moments earlier the ball had flashed across the visitor’s 6 yard box with both outstretched home and away players managing to miss contact with the elusive leather sphere of hope.

The Canaries were clearly stamping their authority on the game, attempting to add more justification to their reputation as a high scoring side. Barrett turned his marker on the corner of the 18-yard box after a cunning throw in from Slater and rifled home first time into the near corner with the spectacularly hapless keeper managing only to push the ball into the side netting. Two goals to the good, any spectator could be forgiven for expecting a cagey end to the first half, however after a somewhat loopy effort of a free kick from Barrett, Davies found himself with yet another gift to tap the ball into the goal unchallenged. 3-0.

From a similar position Barrett unleashed an altogether more threatening free kick enabling the keeper only to push the ball into the top netting to make it 4. The Canaries were playing a standard of football rarely seen on this planet, slick one touch passing to feet with outstanding off the ball movement and support which led to reports the Gaffer had lost all control of his bladder, symbolically representing the conditions of the day and the yellow onslaught being witnessed.

After an exquisitely weighted through ball from Bennett on the half-way line Barrett strode through the middle of the park taking four touches to travel 40 yards and slot neatly into the bottom right hand corner. This was beginning to become a rout. 5-0

To end the first half with two players on a hat-trick is the stuff Sunday league dreams are made of and Davies was about to make that a dream come true for the home fans of 4 geese and a squirrel. With a nicely taken third goal dispatched low to the keeper’s left from 12 yards.

Marlene was fairly well protected by the defensive three having to make only a couple of saves in the first half. However one was of particular importance with the straight-haired one cupping the ball round the post with his extended right hand.

Half-Time

Six nil down at half time the Exeter squad were understandably defeatist in their attitude, however their approach to the remainder of the game caught the Canaries on the back foot with a few chances early in the second half. Thom ‘sex pest’ Perrett worked tirelessly in the second half of the game to run rings around himself and tie his own legs up in knots, confusing and baffling all witnesses with his thomfoolery. His randomness paid off as he provided a whipped cross from the corner for the visiting keeper to push into his own net, obviously still stunned from the Shakin’ Stevens act from Perrett.

Throughout the game Jelbert worked like a Trojan up and down the midst of the action winning and dispatching the ball in the quagmire like centre of the pitch. Slater as usual aided his sidekick winning every 50/50 and commanding every aerial balls from the oppositions goal kicks with his banded locks. At this stage every player on the park was going a little ‘slide-tackle mental’. Seven goals to the good Barrett latched onto yet another through ball, this time from Davies to finish with ease past the Exeter goal keeper, compounding his misery whilst dragging the score-line to 8-0. Davies could have made it nine if not for the heroics of the Exeter number one parrying around the post making his first and only save of the game.

Exeter showed a commendable amount of fight and spirit bagging a headed goal from a corner and slotting a penalty past ‘I always guess the right way’ Marlene after Pete expertly handled in the home box, screaming at the ref to revert his decision. It was noted later by the dressing room joker that ‘The ball hit my hand’ is not the best of defences to put forth.

This fight back coincided with the tactical switch in positions of Slater and Bouch, both of whom were having solid games. This change left the gathered masses, as well as their fellow players, baffled trying to ascertaining any reason for allowing Exeter an opportunity to ‘put the frighteners’ on the home team.

The referee had cause for concern after the ball of pain struck him ‘right on the tendon’ initiating a heartfelt ‘Tosser’ remark to leave his lips directed at a member of the home defence, however, without knowing precisely who attacked him in this vicious manner the culprit escaped scot-free and is still at large in the Chiswick area. All refs are urged not to approach him.

With the score locked at a tense 8-2 Barrett broke down the right wing crossing to the far post with Bennett’s go go gadget foot meeting the leather and forcing the ball over the line. Minutes earlier a goal bound effort from the striker had been cleared Ashley Cole style off the visitors’ goal line.

With so many bleeding goals it’s a right strain to talk about any other points of the game save for Marlene’s top drawer flexibility, usually implemented down the local puff’s parlour, to keep out a goal bound effort from an Exeter player.

Debut for Chris at right back went as well as any initiation with some smart play down the right linking up well with the midfield with calls from certain sections of the fans (and players) for Perrett to be replaced with the new boy wonder.

With the Capital Canaries top of the table and looking stronger by the game confidence is growing in the camp. Their next fixture in a fortnight’s time could sort the men from the boys.

In a post match interview after receiving the bottle of Fosters with a twist, Barrett stated “Jelbert should have won this man of the match, I hate writing match reports.”

MoTM: Gappy