40? you don't look a day over 39.363! Hope you had a great day, while at the same time focussing long enough to steel your charges for the early season crunch match against Aberdeen, Division One's other nearly there's.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
CCFC 3 Boro 0
Team Line-up: McMeckan, Harris, Higgins, Boucher, Seecharan N (45), Perrett (60), Tett, Slater, Bennett, Gallagher, Barrett, Davies (45), Jelbert (60)
The Capital Canaries continued their dream start to the season with goals from in-form forwards Gallagher and Barrett. The unexpected striking duo has tallied 7 in two games to take a solid looking Norwich joint top.
The first half demolition of Middlesbrough was enough to gain the points for the canaries though a spirited fight back from the north eastern outfit was enough to give the boys in yellow a few late frights. If it were not for the acrobatic brilliance of McMeckan in the home team’s onion bag the score line may not have ended so favourably for the home side.
A goal bound effort had to be expertly turned around the post by the keeper known fondly as Marlene by the home fans to ensure his side’s first clean sheet of the season.
The game started brightly for Norwich with Barrett latching onto two through balls within the first five minutes only to miss the target with the make-shift Middlesbrough keeper bearing down on the striker, the intent for the game was signalled. The 3 man midfield brilliance gave the visitors no chance, winning every 50/50 and supplying the strike force with wave after wave of chances.
Any opportunities Middlesbrough had in the first half were few and far between with the Norwich defence ensuring all shots were from a distance. Gallagher opened the scoring with a neat finish across the goalkeeper. Opening up to use the instep of the right boot from an acute angle on the left, the goal was just rewards for a striker who worked tirelessly chasing the through balls so often delivered by the midfielders Tett and Bennett, a forceful pairing ensuring the trademark Norwich short passing game was stamped on proceedings.
Barrett provided further warnings of things to come for the visitors as a sublime cross from Slater was met by the leaping salmon only to be dismissed for a corner by the gloves of the impending keeper. Shortly afterwards Barrett stumbled into the path of the ball, and seeing no support drove purposely forward, cutting inside on his favoured left foot drilling a daisy cutter from 18 yards into the depths of the ‘boro goal.
Numerous corners and free kicks followed as the visiting side felt the pressure of a classy Norwich outfit with the bit between their teeth. The onslaught continued with Gallagher threatening from Slater through balls and Seecheran linking the play nicely down the right hand side.
All play was initiated from the cultured boots of the back three of Harris, Higgins and Boucher, showing not only a dogged determination to keep a clean sheet but a quality rarely seen of defenders to initiate play with intelligence and guile. Out on the left Perrett found himself with both time and space to pick his passes, his sidewinder-esque turns succeeded in humiliating the Boro right back to provide further ammunition with which the forwards fired. Barrett’s second goal reflected the gulf in quality of the teams; the converted wing-back out muscled Henry, the Middlesbrough gaffer, in the midfield and progressed forwards with a swing of the cultured left foot caught the visiting keeper unawares as he could only parry the ball into the side netting.
The second half proved to be an altogether more even affair, Slater coming closest to adding a fourth for Norwich with a technically sound right foot volley from 12 yards after a comedy of errors in the boro box. Davies added an alternative option up front showing glimpses of the threat he poses with both power and determination. Middlesbrough showed some drive and purpose forcing corners and a duo of superb saves from Marlene.
Jelbert continued the good work of Perrett on the right providing more crosses and neat footwork for the fans to enjoy. The two sorts on the sideline were later heard to remark the ‘one with the long hair’ likes a whinge.
Boro evidently found the quality and pace of the Norwich team too much to handle with some rash challenges going largely unpunished by the referee. A card was eventually shown to the boro centre half in the 88th minute for ‘an accumulation’ of poor tackles leaving some canaries justifiably crying ‘ooh ref’.
In the end a job well done for the Capital Canaries who will look to build on their impressive start to the season in their next game in a fortnight’s time.
MoTM: Gappy
The Capital Canaries continued their dream start to the season with goals from in-form forwards Gallagher and Barrett. The unexpected striking duo has tallied 7 in two games to take a solid looking Norwich joint top.
The first half demolition of Middlesbrough was enough to gain the points for the canaries though a spirited fight back from the north eastern outfit was enough to give the boys in yellow a few late frights. If it were not for the acrobatic brilliance of McMeckan in the home team’s onion bag the score line may not have ended so favourably for the home side.
A goal bound effort had to be expertly turned around the post by the keeper known fondly as Marlene by the home fans to ensure his side’s first clean sheet of the season.
The game started brightly for Norwich with Barrett latching onto two through balls within the first five minutes only to miss the target with the make-shift Middlesbrough keeper bearing down on the striker, the intent for the game was signalled. The 3 man midfield brilliance gave the visitors no chance, winning every 50/50 and supplying the strike force with wave after wave of chances.
Any opportunities Middlesbrough had in the first half were few and far between with the Norwich defence ensuring all shots were from a distance. Gallagher opened the scoring with a neat finish across the goalkeeper. Opening up to use the instep of the right boot from an acute angle on the left, the goal was just rewards for a striker who worked tirelessly chasing the through balls so often delivered by the midfielders Tett and Bennett, a forceful pairing ensuring the trademark Norwich short passing game was stamped on proceedings.
Barrett provided further warnings of things to come for the visitors as a sublime cross from Slater was met by the leaping salmon only to be dismissed for a corner by the gloves of the impending keeper. Shortly afterwards Barrett stumbled into the path of the ball, and seeing no support drove purposely forward, cutting inside on his favoured left foot drilling a daisy cutter from 18 yards into the depths of the ‘boro goal.
Numerous corners and free kicks followed as the visiting side felt the pressure of a classy Norwich outfit with the bit between their teeth. The onslaught continued with Gallagher threatening from Slater through balls and Seecheran linking the play nicely down the right hand side.
All play was initiated from the cultured boots of the back three of Harris, Higgins and Boucher, showing not only a dogged determination to keep a clean sheet but a quality rarely seen of defenders to initiate play with intelligence and guile. Out on the left Perrett found himself with both time and space to pick his passes, his sidewinder-esque turns succeeded in humiliating the Boro right back to provide further ammunition with which the forwards fired. Barrett’s second goal reflected the gulf in quality of the teams; the converted wing-back out muscled Henry, the Middlesbrough gaffer, in the midfield and progressed forwards with a swing of the cultured left foot caught the visiting keeper unawares as he could only parry the ball into the side netting.
The second half proved to be an altogether more even affair, Slater coming closest to adding a fourth for Norwich with a technically sound right foot volley from 12 yards after a comedy of errors in the boro box. Davies added an alternative option up front showing glimpses of the threat he poses with both power and determination. Middlesbrough showed some drive and purpose forcing corners and a duo of superb saves from Marlene.
Jelbert continued the good work of Perrett on the right providing more crosses and neat footwork for the fans to enjoy. The two sorts on the sideline were later heard to remark the ‘one with the long hair’ likes a whinge.
Boro evidently found the quality and pace of the Norwich team too much to handle with some rash challenges going largely unpunished by the referee. A card was eventually shown to the boro centre half in the 88th minute for ‘an accumulation’ of poor tackles leaving some canaries justifiably crying ‘ooh ref’.
In the end a job well done for the Capital Canaries who will look to build on their impressive start to the season in their next game in a fortnight’s time.
MoTM: Gappy
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
ESPN's match review of NorWich Vs Ireland Sunday
The world soccer governing body FIFA were pissed this morning as it emerged that Republic of Ireland only fielded two Irish athletes in their International League Game against NorWich Sunday. The game was far from the dull zero zero stalemate that was predicted by some soccer experts as the scorebag was well and truly hit a number of dazzling times in a match-up that ended 9 scores to 5 to the yellows of NorWich.In football, as in life, the third down is a manly-man down. It's a put-hairs-on-your-chest down, a shot-and-a-beer down, a stare-down-the-bully down. It's when a team's essential character is revealed, for better or worse. But, despite the NorWich players shaving all the hairs from their chest, ordering 11 pina coladas and wincing at the site of bully on their third downs Sunday, they still somehow managed to reign victorious at Civil Service Superdome.
Quarterback Barney Slater threw 4 touchdown passes in the game earning him the Vincent Lombardi man of match trophy, and a blowy from his keen coach Higgins. Elsewhere 'Gappy' ran for 198 yards scoring two touchdowns as did Chris Gallagher who ran an incredible 48 yards throughout the game, with all of them coming in the first two quarters. The other goal was scored by pre-season MVP Rick Uttingley, fresh from signing his pectoral sponsorship deal with 'Dumbell Automatic' for a reputed $15million.
As well as 'Gappy', 'Keeps' was also pulling on his pads and helmet for the first time for his new franchise. "I think we took a step forward today" he said as he surveyed a locker room loaded with players who were at high school with him as far back as 1999. "We haven't arrived but we did some good things today. We stepped up knowing the Irish weren't just going to lay down and die for us".
The yellows did some good things in quarters 1+2, the money downs, on this gorgeous afternoon. After going 10 and 0 at the beginning of this year there was a lot to live up to and they certainly lived up to that hype in the first half. The offense were in great touch in 1+2, sticking the ball in the scorebag 5 times before the half-time Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction. But, in the 3rd and 4th quarters it was the NorWich defence that came to the fore as a seemingly drunk Paul Bennett managed to confuse his team-mates enough for them to let in 5 notches before the umpire threw the flag in for the end of the game.
Slater's career highlight performance was tempered with a bad attitude throughout as he pistol-whipped his colleagues to improve their performance. This was not taken well by running-back Gallagher who was heard to utter the immortal words "I was first pick in the draft". Let's hope the two of them can make up before next Sunday's showpiece showdown against the Middlesbrough middleweights who play out of Minnesota.
NorWich have high expectations of a good season in this Southern division, and will need to shore up their leaky backline if they are to do so. Rumors of a comeback from defensive line Danno Taylor seem wide of the mark at the moment, as he was seen heading to the physio for repairs to his glass knee.
It was left to coach Higgins to round off the day…. "I believe that we have a lot of good, young guys who continue to get taught well. I want to mention that I think our coaching staff has done an outstanding job, both offensively and defensively. I'm very proud of the way the team played today and it's good to see Thom Perrett out of the Priory clinic at last"
by Dick Enberg.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Five Alive!
This is what happens when men who really should know better, adorn the "colours" and play heroes for a day:
Capital Canaries represent at Jez Vaughn's 6th annual Jo Fagan 5s Tournament. Squads as follows:
Capital Canaries 1 - Ian McKecken, "G", Nick Seech, Thom Perrett (c), Martin (honorary canary), Chris Gallagher.
Capital Canaries 2 - Tom Seech, Matt Semple, Rick Utting (c), Niek Kolkman (honorary canary), Dale Winton (err Matt Davies) & Chris (his bird's a NCFC season ticket holder, honorary canary) Griffiths.
And the rest, as they say, is history ...
These boys mean business! (Niek, Tom Seech and Matt rue their early exit from the big boys competition)
And ... uh .. these boys clearly don't .... muppets! (Martin, Chris and Thom definitely not rueing our heady rush towards the finals of the plate*
Although ... captain fantastic Thom Perrett may well play the fool with the boys during 'down time', but he's all heart (baby) when it comes down to the business end of the tourno ... (now you see him dazzle in the white ..)
Now you don't! (Captain Perrett .. last man standing!)
And his passion pays dividends when the boys roll home with the silverware ...
Yeah so, it was the "plate" (* the group stage losers tourno ..) but who cares .. silver is silver .. as Fergie will tell anyone who listens after Man U triumph (yet again ..) in the Milk/ Coca-Cola cup .. or whatever the fuck they call it these days!
So what have we learned? That Chris Griffiths buys himself many months of happiness in the bedroom department when he spontaneously (i swear) kisses the badge of glory.
That Niek Kolkman (Dutch master if you will), should he wish, has the poise and artistry to sculpt himself a niche at the back as sweeper and rival the boss for a place in the starting 11 (god have mercy on my soul?!) .... That - after our 7-2 thrashing in the CC1 team - the Capital Canaries should stick to 11s?! Or, at the very least, stick to one strong squad for future tournos? Or that we do it all for the yella and green (world's best team).
I'd do it all again for you, yellas - On the ball .. never mind the danger! New season begins in T minus 4 days .... Eye of the Tiger, Lads!
Capital Canaries represent at Jez Vaughn's 6th annual Jo Fagan 5s Tournament. Squads as follows:
Capital Canaries 1 - Ian McKecken, "G", Nick Seech, Thom Perrett (c), Martin (honorary canary), Chris Gallagher.
Capital Canaries 2 - Tom Seech, Matt Semple, Rick Utting (c), Niek Kolkman (honorary canary), Dale Winton (err Matt Davies) & Chris (his bird's a NCFC season ticket holder, honorary canary) Griffiths.
And the rest, as they say, is history ...
These boys mean business! (Niek, Tom Seech and Matt rue their early exit from the big boys competition)
And ... uh .. these boys clearly don't .... muppets! (Martin, Chris and Thom definitely not rueing our heady rush towards the finals of the plate*
Although ... captain fantastic Thom Perrett may well play the fool with the boys during 'down time', but he's all heart (baby) when it comes down to the business end of the tourno ... (now you see him dazzle in the white ..)
Now you don't! (Captain Perrett .. last man standing!)
And his passion pays dividends when the boys roll home with the silverware ...
Yeah so, it was the "plate" (* the group stage losers tourno ..) but who cares .. silver is silver .. as Fergie will tell anyone who listens after Man U triumph (yet again ..) in the Milk/ Coca-Cola cup .. or whatever the fuck they call it these days!So what have we learned? That Chris Griffiths buys himself many months of happiness in the bedroom department when he spontaneously (i swear) kisses the badge of glory.
That Niek Kolkman (Dutch master if you will), should he wish, has the poise and artistry to sculpt himself a niche at the back as sweeper and rival the boss for a place in the starting 11 (god have mercy on my soul?!) .... That - after our 7-2 thrashing in the CC1 team - the Capital Canaries should stick to 11s?! Or, at the very least, stick to one strong squad for future tournos? Or that we do it all for the yella and green (world's best team).I'd do it all again for you, yellas - On the ball .. never mind the danger! New season begins in T minus 4 days .... Eye of the Tiger, Lads!
Monday, September 11, 2006
Pre-Season report
Two games, two wins, 4 new signings, one pregnancy and a nasty bout of cyphilis. Just another pre-season for Norwich City.
First up came pre-season training at the newly upgraded facilities of Regents Park. Manager Andy Higgins insisted on a new training facility when he signed the extension to his multi-billion pound contract with the club (as funded by some German bankers) and when the players arrived back after their holidays in Ibeefa and faliraki they were delighted with their new base. All of the negative aspects of the last training ground were replaced with dogshit, no goalposts (not to mention nets) and a map that sent them to completely the wrong part of the park. Higgins commented as such… "It was all part of the plan. Gareth Howard looked like he had piled on a few pounds so I wanted him to do a bit of extra walking to the ground" When asked about the turd on the grass Higgins said… "ah yes, I learnt that from Winston Churchill. He always talked about the courage of his front line forces "in the shit" so I thought I'd put a few of our prima donnas in a similar situation. I have to say I was surprised when I saw Chris Gallagher eating it though. He said it was better then what his mum makes him at home so fair enough"
After a few sessions comprising of Rick Uttingly flexing his new captaincy muscles the squad were ready for their first pre-season game, away to Sunderland in erm….Hendon. Once super striker Chris Gallagher had got through the police line up allongside Benicio Del Torro, Stephen Baldwin, Kevin Pollak, Kevin Spacey and Gabriel Byrne the team were ready to start. The line-up gave debuts to a few players whose names I cannot spell, and the game went well. In all honesty, Sunderland were the worst team that Norwich have faced since they lost 1-0 to an amputees eleven at the beginning of last season in Danno Taylor's testimonial. But a win's a win.
The game ended 5-0 with Gallagher and Davies netting a brace each and the other being slotted home by useless fop Barnaby Slater. Higgins was happy with the performance, after the game he spoke to The Norwich press saying…. "I am happy with the performance"
One week later and the canaries were back in action against an Exeter side determined to show that they're not "Inbreds with 6 toes on each foot and breasts on their calfs" as they had been called by one unnamed Norwich player. The game was a one-sided affair though as Norwich won 3-1. This was partly down to the excellent football and composed finishing of the yellows, but also because the majority of the Exeter team were too busy filing their toenails whilst sucking on eachother's leg tits to pay much attention to the game. Gallagher and Davies got a goal each with new signing Gappy getting the other one (he used to have a gap in his front teeth apparently, nothing to do with a huge gap in his knowledge)
Now there is just a week before the team start their Apfscil league campaign with a tricky looking opener against The Republic Of Ireland. Steve Staunton has said that he will bring a full strength side down to the Civil Service so much will rest on whether Chris Gallagher will be able to get the better of John O'Shea and Shay Given and whether the defence of Harris, Slater, Higgins and possibly Boucher will be able to keep Robbie Keane and Damien Duff at bay.
Prediction - home win.
First up came pre-season training at the newly upgraded facilities of Regents Park. Manager Andy Higgins insisted on a new training facility when he signed the extension to his multi-billion pound contract with the club (as funded by some German bankers) and when the players arrived back after their holidays in Ibeefa and faliraki they were delighted with their new base. All of the negative aspects of the last training ground were replaced with dogshit, no goalposts (not to mention nets) and a map that sent them to completely the wrong part of the park. Higgins commented as such… "It was all part of the plan. Gareth Howard looked like he had piled on a few pounds so I wanted him to do a bit of extra walking to the ground" When asked about the turd on the grass Higgins said… "ah yes, I learnt that from Winston Churchill. He always talked about the courage of his front line forces "in the shit" so I thought I'd put a few of our prima donnas in a similar situation. I have to say I was surprised when I saw Chris Gallagher eating it though. He said it was better then what his mum makes him at home so fair enough"
After a few sessions comprising of Rick Uttingly flexing his new captaincy muscles the squad were ready for their first pre-season game, away to Sunderland in erm….Hendon. Once super striker Chris Gallagher had got through the police line up allongside Benicio Del Torro, Stephen Baldwin, Kevin Pollak, Kevin Spacey and Gabriel Byrne the team were ready to start. The line-up gave debuts to a few players whose names I cannot spell, and the game went well. In all honesty, Sunderland were the worst team that Norwich have faced since they lost 1-0 to an amputees eleven at the beginning of last season in Danno Taylor's testimonial. But a win's a win.
The game ended 5-0 with Gallagher and Davies netting a brace each and the other being slotted home by useless fop Barnaby Slater. Higgins was happy with the performance, after the game he spoke to The Norwich press saying…. "I am happy with the performance"
One week later and the canaries were back in action against an Exeter side determined to show that they're not "Inbreds with 6 toes on each foot and breasts on their calfs" as they had been called by one unnamed Norwich player. The game was a one-sided affair though as Norwich won 3-1. This was partly down to the excellent football and composed finishing of the yellows, but also because the majority of the Exeter team were too busy filing their toenails whilst sucking on eachother's leg tits to pay much attention to the game. Gallagher and Davies got a goal each with new signing Gappy getting the other one (he used to have a gap in his front teeth apparently, nothing to do with a huge gap in his knowledge)
Now there is just a week before the team start their Apfscil league campaign with a tricky looking opener against The Republic Of Ireland. Steve Staunton has said that he will bring a full strength side down to the Civil Service so much will rest on whether Chris Gallagher will be able to get the better of John O'Shea and Shay Given and whether the defence of Harris, Slater, Higgins and possibly Boucher will be able to keep Robbie Keane and Damien Duff at bay.
Prediction - home win.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
2006/07 Season Preview
The season of destiny?
Norwich manager Andrew Higgins has never been so buoyant. He is positive that his summer spending spree has left him with the strongest squad in the history of the Capital Canaries. Sure there were the glory days of Dave 'Crazy legs' Lemmon, Ken 'Bionic man' Wylie and Ian 'three (score) bags full sir' Church, but never has the boss had such a rash of ravishing young athletes to choose from, not since he was seen leaving that Bangkok brothel anyway - and that left him with a very different kind of rash.
2006 has been incredibly fruitful for Norwich so far. Since the turn of the year they have only been beaten twice, and not at all by any teams that would open their wallet for anyone other then themselves. This leaves them with an unenviable task - that of living up to the pre-season expectations that have been heaped upon them by the notoriously fickle British red-top press. Some of the quotes must be taken with a pinch of salt though surely....
"The only true challengers to Hibs' dominance of the Apfscil" - The Times
"If they get a good start, they have every chance of breaking into the top two - The Guardian
"Boy trapped in refrigerator, eats own foot" - The National Enquirer
"If failed playboy Tom Perrett can keep his WAG's away from his HSBC Solo card, then his morale and subsequent form may improve" - The Sport
The new signings do look to have added a certain 'Je ne sais pas' to the squad. For a start there is the new Polish-sounding goalkeeper whose name I have no idea how to say or spell, so let's call him Dave. He has presence in spades, and will worry even the most confident of strikers as he rushes towards their feet reciting self-penned poetry. Challenging Dave for the number one jersey is Ian McMacken or 'Keeps' as he prefers to be called. 'Keeps' is only the second goalkeeper to give himself a self-annointed nickname, after his idol David 'Safe Hands' Seaman. Norwich can only hope that 'Keeps' is a better Keeps then Seaman was a Safe Hands, as in no way will City want to see McMacken trying to decapitate professional Ice Dancers, growing a ponytail or marrying a woman of non-caucasian descent.
Other then the new keepers, the other signings have only helped to add to City's already over-crowded midfield. Firstly there is the elegant runner Greg Tett who has joined the club fresh from a two year stint as a lifeguard in Adelaide, Australia. He was last seen over there wrestling sharks and running along the beach in slow motion carrying a red buoyancy aid whilst chasing tail. (record for using the word buoyant more than once in an article - Ed)
Also joining the team is left-sided dinamo Gappy, whose name nobody knows although rumours of Matthew are yet to be disproven. From his pre-season displays it seems that he has a great engine as well as a contender to Fredi Kanoute's crown as holder of the 'slowest step-over in the west'.
The questions that these new midfield additions ask are simple....will Boucher be moved back to sweeper? Will Gallagher get the endless service his wayward finishing needs to get to double figures this season? and will Slater be able to wait until he gets to know the new players before shouting at them when they've done nothing wrong?
So what does manager Higgins really expect for the new season, when asked this is what he had to say.... "I want wins. Enough wins to put us at the top of the table and keep us there. To make sure this happens I am upping the players' win bonuses to two drinks and a packet of red hot spicy Pringles after each game. I would also like to announce that tightwad Scotch-Franco hybrid Callum Wilson will be captain whilst Michael Owen's knee double Danno Taylor recovers from yet another injury. Now I will not be speaking to the press again until the winter break"
So...confidence is high, but can the players achieve their full potential and topple Hibs? Only time and destiny will tell......
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