Preview Norwich City Vs Crewe 19/3/06

Facts never lie. Except for Jonathan King of course. He's really fact and keeps protesting his innocence. In terms of football though, the cliche stands true and the facts are these; Norwich City have won seven on the spin in the league and eight including their Dave Baister Cup demolition of the now defunct Birmingham.

So, how does this budding young journo approach a preview for this weekends big game at the Civil Service? Simple really, it looks like Crewe are in for a pistol-whipping not seen since Rodney King got on the wrong side of the law. Mind you, it has got to the stage where the three points may not be enough for the Canaries. They need....

GOALS

GOALS

GOALS

The good news is that the team have been scoring quite a few goals of late. The bad news is that their three top strikers are all unavailable for the game with bad aids. It is believed that Gallagher picked it up at a family gathering in Croxteth (The liverpudlian arm of the Gallagher mafia). He in turn passed it on to Davies when they had a spa together at Dale Wintons house. How Stephenson picked it up is a mystery, but no doubt he'll tell us at length next time we see him.

So who will play up front you ask? Well, nobody really knows. The usual suspects have put their names forward. Taylor has mentioned his goals record this season, although he seems to have forgotten that to play up front you have to run a bit, and the doubts remain as to whether the knee he got from Albert Steptoe in the transplant will hold up to it. Gareth Howard has put his name forward to, although smoking on the pitch is not allowed and everyone feels that he would struggle to score goals with that massive thumb hangs over him wherever he goes.

The smart money is on rancid, dogbreath-ridden, spinabifida sufferer Barnaby Slater getting at least a half up front. In his favour is that he scored five in three up front last year  and that he has six to his name from midfield this season. However, he is a total prick with a penchant for soddomy so why should he be given the responsibility? What a cunt. And I don't use that word lightly. He also has herpes from a dalliance he had with a goat.

My prediction for the game is 4-1 to City, with Taylor notching at both ends.

Squad (from):

Semple
Perrett
Taylor
Higgins
Howard
Seecherans
Slater
Wilson
Boucher
Parling
Harris
Uttingly



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