Just in case anyone needed any additional motivation to close out another excellent season in style, the final dash for club honours may be just the tonic you are looking for!
Up for Grabs: Player of the Season (PoS) and Golden Boot primarily, plus awards available for commitment and clubmanship. Here are some Stats to give you an idea who's in the running (and for the rest of us, just remember "We're all Winners!" Well that's what my Mum told me anyway ...)
Top Scorers:
Davies - 17 goals from 15 appearances (CCFC Career Ratio: 1.44)
Gallagher - 15 goals from 19 appearances (CCFC Career Ratio: 0.79)
Taylor - 7 goals from 17 appearances* (CCFC Career Ratio: 0.42)
Slater - 6 goals from 16 appearances (CCFC Career Ratio: 0.26)
* is that 17 appearances from 20, Mr Glass??! I had to stop and re-read the facts there for a second!
MotMs:
Parling & Taylor - 3
Utting, Wilson & Gallagher - 2
Boucher, Davies, Howard, Perrett, Semple, Slater - 1
Top Appearances (out of 19):
Gallagher & Perrett - 19
Higgins & Taylor - 17
Slater - 16
Davies & Utting - 15
So in summary
Don't expect Davies and Gallagher to be passing the ball too much to each other in the last couple of games. MoTM on the other hand ... oooooooh it's wide open
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
London Hibs 1 Capital Canaries 0
Sunday 26th March 2006
Semi Final – Dave Baister Cup
Team Line-up: Semple, Harris, Slater, Taylor, Seecharan N (45), Perrett (65), Parling, Wilson, Boucher, Davies, Gallagher, Higgins (45), Stephenson (65).
Long after the game had finished, the crowds had left, and the only signs of the battle between Hibs and Norwich was Gareth's 4 empty cigarette packets blowing across the hallowed turf, were people left to wonder on two questions; how do you get an indirect free kick in the penalty box from being scissor kicked in the head, and secondly how is it possible to miss from 4 yards in the last minute?
The afternoon had begun with much hype and anticipation. Such was the expectation that another year would bring another semi final success for the boys in yellow, that Harris had put all his clients in Lucozade stock, producing 20 free bottles. The changing room was under instruction from the boss to wait until he arrived before warming up, but after finishing 3 litres each of this unethical insider traded lemon power up – the lads were bouncing off the walls. The normal pre-match conversion competition followed.
Norwich had 3 key players missing, but showed why they were the current form team in the league with ample strength in depth. Callum (slight migraine)and Bennett (runny nose) both produced doctors notes to excuse them from crowd watching duties. Utting however showed complete lack of regard for his teammates by holidaying in Budapest for the weekend.
The boss gathered the squad together prior to kick off to announce the line up and deliver his rousing Henry V oration. Nervous glances from the boys followed Higgins' production of a clip board and the claim that he had been working on his speech all week. The shock however was that AH left himself on the bench, with Barney filling his size 6's at sweeper.
The game kicked off with Hibs having the better of the opening exchanges. Gallagher looked lively upfront, with some neat early touches, confounding the changing room doomsayers that he had flouted the 10pm Higgins curfew the night before. Apparently identified by Hibs as a danger man, Gallagher was then schythed down repeatedly from behind. The referee and lines-people somehow conspired to miss the offences. This culminated in the obligatory red mist (purple haze?!) descending on the striker who was inevitably yellow carded for his troubles.
The eagle eyed officials, however did not miss any of City's minor indiscretions. Parling continued where he left off in previous encounters with Hibs, stalking the mid-field and dispensing his own form of justice. Harris was also unlucky to be booked.
It was Gallagher though, that created the best of Norwich's openings, with a surging run into the box. The Hibs defender then mistook Gallagher's head for the ball and brutally hacked him down inside the box. Thankfully the referee was well positioned, and gave the only decision that he could, an indirect free kick in side the box.
That let off spurred Hibs into life. Hibs created several good chances, brilliantly saved by Semple. The fact that Matt was not available to play in the final, for similar reasons as the disgraced Utting, did not distract him from turning in a superb display.
The defence was being consistently pressed, and Harris and Barney were over-heard discussing the depth of City's back line. Only minutes later Hibs scored, following a break through the midfield, a slip from Danno, and a one two that lead to Hibs side footing the ball through Barney's legs. Claims for offside from Slater and Davies were surely a cunning plan to see whether the goal would be disallowed, and the correct decision given instead - an free kick in side the box.
Norwich upped the tempo but created few clear cut opportunities for the remainder of the half.
Half time.
The break allowed the boys to re-group and re-organise. The boss delivered an impassioned plea for the team to remain focused, to play with cool heads, to leave the whingeing, moaning and diving to Hibs, and concentrate on playing football.
The second half started with Parling now on the left and Higgins in his usual sweeping role. It took only 10 seconds before the boss was involved in an ugly off the ball incident. His own half time words long forgotten.
The game duly opened up as Norwich pressed for the equalizer. Norwich created two good second half chances, one falling to Davies, whose shot went well wide. Davies claimed later that the cross, following Slater's good work down the right, took a bobble. The second chance came from a pin point cross from Boucher landing on Danno's head Danno put the header just wide. The make shift centre forward at this stage was inexplicably carrying Bennett's unwashed left sock wrapped around his big thumb. Some were questioning whether Bennett's absence and the wrapped big thumb were in fact linked?!
After a number of Hibernian break away chances, the final minute saw a free kick awarded to Norwich 35 yards out. A floated ball from Slater saw Boucher make a well timed run from deep to find himself in the clear with only the keeper to beat. The level of technical skill required to bury the ball as it came over his left shoulder, swirling in the wind, with a notorious sex addict bearing down on him was all too much, and the ball went just wide. Game over, and Norwich's dream died.
The post mortem ensued in the bar. No blame was apportioned (apart from the holidaying Utting). Even the referee was absolved, as he is used to refereeing at a much higher level, where apparently in-direct free kicks in the box are more often given.
On a more positive note, Seech presented the boss with enough dodgy sports-ware for a week in Liverpool , for the 151 games Andy has played for the club. Andy was over-heard mumbling that next year will be Norwich's year for both the league and cup. Andy - make mine a double. Oh and by the way, Andy had a baby.
Hibs 1 Norwich 0
Man of the Match: Boucher
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Capital Canaries 3 Middlesbrough 1
APFSCIL Division One
Norwich City 3 Middlesbrough 1
Sunday, 05 March 2006
No sign of a single 'Higgins Out' protestor at the Civil Service ground on the day after many 'Higgins In' banners were spotted at our less illustrious big brother's Carrow Road misery-pit a hundred miles or so up the road.
The fact that this was the Capital Canaries' 7th league win in a row has had many internet message boards awash with rumours that our baby making manager is due to take a 90% pay cut and take up the Carrow Rd hotseat any day now.
WeLoveYouPaulMcVeigh1991, the internet's most respected poster had this to say;
"Higgins' ability to motivate such layabouts and criminals as Paul Bennett and Chris Gallagher wouldn't go amiss among those overpaid prima-donnas at Carrow Road, I'd get him in. Fair enough, we'd have to top Mourinho's wages, but like Jennifer Aniston- he's worth it".
Norwich were facing Boro without Rich Stephenson, Nick & Tom Seecharan, Andy Parling, and Rick Utting. It appears that Andy Parling must be dead, as there's no match report to be seen from the previous match. Rick was on an Uttingly great cruise to the Mediterranean island of Mikanos. This meant going into the game with only 10 natural left footers in the team, way less than normal. With Rick's left midfield berth vacant, up stepped Perrett, with a left foot so cultured that it's currently reciting the works of William Goldwin to a 19th century poetry class.
Other changes included George Clooney effortlessly slipping into Perrett's size 10s on the right hand side of Norwich's midfield, Callum Wilson took a break from losing Nick Leeson sized funds and making tea for real traders to return to the heart of the side, and a mentally rejuvenated Slater returned from undisclosed personal problems involving Marcus Trescothick's wife to complete the Canaries XI.
One or two of the Canaries were carrying injuries heading into the game. In Gallagher's case it was carrying 10 pints of south London's premier nightspot's Snakebite in his belly. Bennett looked like he'd come straight from the Clapham Grand, and Ladies Favourite Davies was suffering with an unsatisfactory manicure.
The game started with Captain Callum winning the toss and electing to start the game downhill and with the wind. Perry Groves would have been proud of both Boucher and Perrett's ability to chuck the ball half the length of the pitch. It was probably just the wind.
The game's first real chance fell to Harris in the second minute. A near post corner found the Richard O-Brian lookalike on the edge of the six yard box, and his glancing header went wide of the far post. This was not to deter the Canaries, who pressed hard at the Boro back line before claiming the lead after 15 minutes through the predatory Matt Davies.
A good move down the left saw a couple of shots fired in at the Boro goal before the ball deflected at an awkward height to 'Dale' Davies who put the ball past the keeper with minimum fuss. He then proceeded to cerebrate by taking us all to Asda after the game and encouraging us to put as many items in a trolley as possible in 60 seconds.
They say bad luck comes in threes. In Gallagher's case he had a double bout of it. On a miserable afternoon for the angry south Londoner around six chances went begging. A mixture of good goalkeeping, wayward finishing, goals not being big enough, and snakebite kept his goal tally for the afternoon down to a measly one. To be fair to Davies' less predatory partner, it was a good one. A floated ball over the top from Perrett from just inside his own half caught the Boro defence napping and Gallagher nipped in behind before exchanging passes with Winton and firing home off the post from 15 yards into the bottom corner.
With Slater, Wilson and Bennett winning everything in midfield, and linking up well with the frontmen, the Canaries were playing well. The odd misplaced pass did anger the sensitive (not just his skin) Slater, but he kept going and he and Wilson were enjoying adulation of the yellow army who had gathered en mass.
Chances continued to go begging, with Bennett, and Davies again going close. With the defence only breached once after a double nause-up by Harris and Higgins, Semple in the Norwich goal was rarely called upon for the first 45 mins, but it was unlikely that this would continue into the second half with the Canaries up the hill and against the wind. Half time brought words of encouragement from the gaffer, but it was clear that 2 goals may not have been enough on a day where conditions favoured those sat at home doing something else.
Just two minutes into the second half Boro had their first good chance on goal. Clearly encouraged to shoot with the wind, their midfielder unleashed a looping effort from 35 yards that Semple did well to turn over his bar for a corner.
Middlesbrough's goal was a beauty. Davies made a rare foray into his own half "tracking back" I think it's called. The resulting foul on the onrushing Boro midfielder resulted in a free kick in a central position 25 yards out. Semple set up a four man wall but was powerless to stop a rocket into the top corner.
This gave Boro some confidence, and they were quick to up their tempo and trouble Norwich at times. Slater's Strop-o-meter was registering 4 or 5 at this point before a mis-control took it off the Richter scale to the sound of sighs, huffs and puffs. A collective 'tut' was heard from the Canaries. The increased Boro attacking was leaving gaps at the back, and it was a good job for them that Gallagher was in such a generous mood, beating the post twice then hitting the keeper from close range. Davies was left rueing his decision not to forcefully take the ball off Gallagher's toes to apply the finishing touches. Motivational guru Slater also went close with a side footer that didn't quite connect from 18 yards following good work from Boucher.
A moment of class from Paul Bennett on the edge of his own box then infuriated the chasing Boro forward who was turned inside out by Bennett who span away from him on the edge of the box. Bennett was then twice hacked down, the second time a headbutt which resulted in a straight red card for the Boro forward.
With Boro down to ten men, the game opened up for Norwich who were able to enjoy good periods of possession. With the Boro defence opened up following a good move in midfield Slater was able to release a great pass through the middle of the two centre halves for Wilson to run on to. With the ball onto his favoured left foot, Wilson calmly slid the ball past the keeper and reeled away in delight. Gallagher looked on in envy of such composure in front of goal.
The Canaries had won 7 straight league games for the first time in 34 years - coincidentally, Dan Taylor's real age.
Norwich 3-1 Middlesborough
Man Of The Match: Tom Perrett
Norwich City 3 Middlesbrough 1
Sunday, 05 March 2006
No sign of a single 'Higgins Out' protestor at the Civil Service ground on the day after many 'Higgins In' banners were spotted at our less illustrious big brother's Carrow Road misery-pit a hundred miles or so up the road.
The fact that this was the Capital Canaries' 7th league win in a row has had many internet message boards awash with rumours that our baby making manager is due to take a 90% pay cut and take up the Carrow Rd hotseat any day now.
WeLoveYouPaulMcVeigh1991, the internet's most respected poster had this to say;
"Higgins' ability to motivate such layabouts and criminals as Paul Bennett and Chris Gallagher wouldn't go amiss among those overpaid prima-donnas at Carrow Road, I'd get him in. Fair enough, we'd have to top Mourinho's wages, but like Jennifer Aniston- he's worth it".
Norwich were facing Boro without Rich Stephenson, Nick & Tom Seecharan, Andy Parling, and Rick Utting. It appears that Andy Parling must be dead, as there's no match report to be seen from the previous match. Rick was on an Uttingly great cruise to the Mediterranean island of Mikanos. This meant going into the game with only 10 natural left footers in the team, way less than normal. With Rick's left midfield berth vacant, up stepped Perrett, with a left foot so cultured that it's currently reciting the works of William Goldwin to a 19th century poetry class.
Other changes included George Clooney effortlessly slipping into Perrett's size 10s on the right hand side of Norwich's midfield, Callum Wilson took a break from losing Nick Leeson sized funds and making tea for real traders to return to the heart of the side, and a mentally rejuvenated Slater returned from undisclosed personal problems involving Marcus Trescothick's wife to complete the Canaries XI.
One or two of the Canaries were carrying injuries heading into the game. In Gallagher's case it was carrying 10 pints of south London's premier nightspot's Snakebite in his belly. Bennett looked like he'd come straight from the Clapham Grand, and Ladies Favourite Davies was suffering with an unsatisfactory manicure.
The game started with Captain Callum winning the toss and electing to start the game downhill and with the wind. Perry Groves would have been proud of both Boucher and Perrett's ability to chuck the ball half the length of the pitch. It was probably just the wind.
The game's first real chance fell to Harris in the second minute. A near post corner found the Richard O-Brian lookalike on the edge of the six yard box, and his glancing header went wide of the far post. This was not to deter the Canaries, who pressed hard at the Boro back line before claiming the lead after 15 minutes through the predatory Matt Davies.
A good move down the left saw a couple of shots fired in at the Boro goal before the ball deflected at an awkward height to 'Dale' Davies who put the ball past the keeper with minimum fuss. He then proceeded to cerebrate by taking us all to Asda after the game and encouraging us to put as many items in a trolley as possible in 60 seconds.
They say bad luck comes in threes. In Gallagher's case he had a double bout of it. On a miserable afternoon for the angry south Londoner around six chances went begging. A mixture of good goalkeeping, wayward finishing, goals not being big enough, and snakebite kept his goal tally for the afternoon down to a measly one. To be fair to Davies' less predatory partner, it was a good one. A floated ball over the top from Perrett from just inside his own half caught the Boro defence napping and Gallagher nipped in behind before exchanging passes with Winton and firing home off the post from 15 yards into the bottom corner.
With Slater, Wilson and Bennett winning everything in midfield, and linking up well with the frontmen, the Canaries were playing well. The odd misplaced pass did anger the sensitive (not just his skin) Slater, but he kept going and he and Wilson were enjoying adulation of the yellow army who had gathered en mass.
Chances continued to go begging, with Bennett, and Davies again going close. With the defence only breached once after a double nause-up by Harris and Higgins, Semple in the Norwich goal was rarely called upon for the first 45 mins, but it was unlikely that this would continue into the second half with the Canaries up the hill and against the wind. Half time brought words of encouragement from the gaffer, but it was clear that 2 goals may not have been enough on a day where conditions favoured those sat at home doing something else.
Just two minutes into the second half Boro had their first good chance on goal. Clearly encouraged to shoot with the wind, their midfielder unleashed a looping effort from 35 yards that Semple did well to turn over his bar for a corner.
Middlesbrough's goal was a beauty. Davies made a rare foray into his own half "tracking back" I think it's called. The resulting foul on the onrushing Boro midfielder resulted in a free kick in a central position 25 yards out. Semple set up a four man wall but was powerless to stop a rocket into the top corner.
This gave Boro some confidence, and they were quick to up their tempo and trouble Norwich at times. Slater's Strop-o-meter was registering 4 or 5 at this point before a mis-control took it off the Richter scale to the sound of sighs, huffs and puffs. A collective 'tut' was heard from the Canaries. The increased Boro attacking was leaving gaps at the back, and it was a good job for them that Gallagher was in such a generous mood, beating the post twice then hitting the keeper from close range. Davies was left rueing his decision not to forcefully take the ball off Gallagher's toes to apply the finishing touches. Motivational guru Slater also went close with a side footer that didn't quite connect from 18 yards following good work from Boucher.
A moment of class from Paul Bennett on the edge of his own box then infuriated the chasing Boro forward who was turned inside out by Bennett who span away from him on the edge of the box. Bennett was then twice hacked down, the second time a headbutt which resulted in a straight red card for the Boro forward.
With Boro down to ten men, the game opened up for Norwich who were able to enjoy good periods of possession. With the Boro defence opened up following a good move in midfield Slater was able to release a great pass through the middle of the two centre halves for Wilson to run on to. With the ball onto his favoured left foot, Wilson calmly slid the ball past the keeper and reeled away in delight. Gallagher looked on in envy of such composure in front of goal.
The Canaries had won 7 straight league games for the first time in 34 years - coincidentally, Dan Taylor's real age.
Norwich 3-1 Middlesborough
Man Of The Match: Tom Perrett
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Preview Norwich City Vs Crewe 19/3/06
Facts never lie. Except for Jonathan King of course. He's really fact and keeps protesting his innocence. In terms of football though, the cliche stands true and the facts are these; Norwich City have won seven on the spin in the league and eight including their Dave Baister Cup demolition of the now defunct Birmingham.
So, how does this budding young journo approach a preview for this weekends big game at the Civil Service? Simple really, it looks like Crewe are in for a pistol-whipping not seen since Rodney King got on the wrong side of the law. Mind you, it has got to the stage where the three points may not be enough for the Canaries. They need....
GOALS
GOALS
GOALS
The good news is that the team have been scoring quite a few goals of late. The bad news is that their three top strikers are all unavailable for the game with bad aids. It is believed that Gallagher picked it up at a family gathering in Croxteth (The liverpudlian arm of the Gallagher mafia). He in turn passed it on to Davies when they had a spa together at Dale Wintons house. How Stephenson picked it up is a mystery, but no doubt he'll tell us at length next time we see him.
So who will play up front you ask? Well, nobody really knows. The usual suspects have put their names forward. Taylor has mentioned his goals record this season, although he seems to have forgotten that to play up front you have to run a bit, and the doubts remain as to whether the knee he got from Albert Steptoe in the transplant will hold up to it. Gareth Howard has put his name forward to, although smoking on the pitch is not allowed and everyone feels that he would struggle to score goals with that massive thumb hangs over him wherever he goes.
The smart money is on rancid, dogbreath-ridden, spinabifida sufferer Barnaby Slater getting at least a half up front. In his favour is that he scored five in three up front last year and that he has six to his name from midfield this season. However, he is a total prick with a penchant for soddomy so why should he be given the responsibility? What a cunt. And I don't use that word lightly. He also has herpes from a dalliance he had with a goat.
My prediction for the game is 4-1 to City, with Taylor notching at both ends.
Squad (from):
Semple
Perrett
Taylor
Higgins
Howard
Seecherans
Slater
Wilson
Boucher
Parling
Harris
Uttingly
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