Revenge is a dish best served cold. Just ask Loretta Bobbit, this weeks Capital Canaries mascot, who has agreed to come to the game in order to focus Norwich City on the beating that they need to hand out this Sunday to make up for the 2-1 reverse in the corresponding fixture late last year.
Bobitt is of course infamous for her slight over-reaction when she heard of her husband John's infidelity a couple of decades ago. However, Norwich manager Andy Higgins is confident that her presence around the dressing room will not cause any worry to his team's confidence, despite her penchant for male genitals and steak knives....
"I think Loretta is a great example of how we should stop at nothing to get revenge when we have been wronged. Earlier this season London Rangers mugged us good and proper, so I have asked Ms Bobitt to come in and explain how she cut off her husband's penis when she found out that he had wronged her and to give us some ideas on how to really turn the heat up on the opposition. If nothing else, it should teach a couple of our wannabe rockstars to keep their cocks in their pants for once. In fact, the only worry I have is that Slater may try and befriend her before the game and take his mind off the job"
On the pitch, Norwich are on a great run, unbeaten since before Christmas and having stormed into the semi-finals of the Dave Baister cup with a 5-1 beating of Birmingham City a couple of weeks ago. In that game, centre-half Gareth Howard cracked a couple of ribs, although the rumours that it was caused by the air pressure from his forrays past the half-way line have so far proven unfounded. Also out this week will be the yellows' 'bit of rough' Matt Davies. He is probably at a stag do or a Dale Winton lookalike convention.
With the squad looking strong, and a good run of results behind them Norwich will be looking to turn the screw and punish London Rangers. However, complacency is a dangerous thing, just like sucking an orange through a razorblade. Norwich must be wary of the roar of the Rangers, who will be looking for their first ever double over the Carrow Road outfit.
Unbiased Journalist's prediction: 3-1 Yellows
Venue: Civil Service Sports Ground
Kick Off: 2pm
Norwich Squad:
Bennett
Boucher
Gallagher
Harris
Higgins
Parling
Perrett
Seecharan N
Semple
Slater
Stephenson
Taylor
Utting
Wilson
1 comment:
Hey! A pretty passionate call to arms there .. so if we wronged ourselves by losing that first game (as is my recollection) then we have to cut our own dicks off?! I've heard of "kiss the badge" commitment but that's pretty intense .. like it!
ps - rather than looking for inspiration from some hicky, low-life US white trailer trash 'ho', I've found my inspiration from a slightly higher authority (but kept the classy 'dick' metaphor, naturally!):
1st Book of Samuel, Chapter 18, verse 25:
"The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. "
Bravo win or Die!
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