APFSCIL Dave Baister Cup Final. 2PM. 29/04/07.

Kick Off: 2pm, Bank of England Sports Centre, Priory Lane, Roehampton, London, SW15 5JQ.

The game has already been branded as ENGLAND VS SCOTLAND: THE SHOWDOWN by Sky Sports. Gary Lineker has expressed his delight that the BBC haven’t lost their coverage rights to the Dave Baister Cup Final just yet, and Thom Perrett has even agreed not to take any strangers back to his council block bedsit the night before…so all in all this weekend truly brings us…A SUPER Sunday.

Aberdeen have already secured the APFSCIL League trophy due to their consistent form over the season. However, Norwich can point to their inability to keep hold of leads as to why they didn’t push The Dons harder for the Championship trophy. Having only lost one game all season, against Aberdeen away, Norwich go into this Cup Final with high hopes. They have their Players of the Season from the last two years back from debilitating knee injuries, and Chris Gallagher has promised not to try out Class A drugs for the first time since last year’s semi-final, all in all making for a strong first team.

Some places are up for grabs of course, with Player Manager Andy Higgins fully fit and battling Tom Boucher for the sweeper position. Although if Higgins does come back in then Boucher could easily slot in elsewhere as he is a true David Howells-esque utility player. Also who will get the nod between the sticks? And will Ian Jelbert finally come clean about his sex change operation?

What is sure is that Matt Davies and Greg Tett will bring in hordes of young groupies to watch the game and that Rick Utting will have his best captain’s snarl on during the pre-game warm up.

But the main question is: Can Norwich City top off their most successful ever with their first piece of silverware? Will they get into Europe for the first time since Jeremy Goss made being ginger look good and will Andy Higgins be able to stop polishing his Porsche for long enough to give the players a good team talk?

Come rain or shine, victory or defeat you can be damned sure that the Norwich players will be back in their Sloane Square cruise ship in time for some serious drinking after the game. However, if they have winners medals around their neck then maybe even young Perrett will be able to attract a woman over the legal age of consent for the first time since he nailed that bird with the fakies.

Squad: Barrett, Bennett, Boucher, Davies, Gallagher, Harris, Higgins, Howard, Jelbert, Perrett, Seecharan, Slater, Taylor, Tett, Utting, Wilson.

Stoke City 2 Norwich City 4

Sunday 1st April

Dave Baister Cup Semi Final

 

Team Line-up:    Denys, Taylor, Boucher, Harris, Perrett, Utting, Wilson, Jelbert(2), Tett(1), Davies(1), Gallagher.

Subs:     Higgins, Seecharan, Howard.

 

 

With dreams of the APFSCIL league title fast fading, the highly prestigious Dave Baister Cup has become the Holy Grail of the Capital Canaries record breaking season.  Indeed, one only had to look at the sidelines to realise just how big a game this was.  Barney '2 out of 5' Slater was in attendance, as was the recently returned Stubbsy, who having dropped his previous guises, appeared as himself.  Also in the crowd was a very welcome visitor making, I believe, her debut at a Canaries game, none other than Delia Winton, newly born daughter of record breaking hitman Dale. 

 

With the team pumped full of hunger and desire (and Lucozade Sport - fortunately for some players not Cocaine) the game kicked off.  Unsuprisingly, I suppose, for such a high profile clash, the game was scrappy for long spells.  Gallagher had a pair of half chances that he failed to capitalise on at one end, whilst at the other Nick Denys was forced into a smart save by the big Stoke centre forward.  Despite all their graft, Norwich were failing to show enough craft and the game was crying out for a moment of magic to breathe life into it.  Who would it be???  Gallagher, Davies, Utting, Tettbook, unbelievably none of the above.  It was Stokes left back who shocked the ground by converting a free kick from 25 yards, following a shirt pull by former player of the year Dan Taylor, who was booked for his trouble.

 

The good news was that it took this goal against them to force Norwich to play.  A superb long throw from Jelbert caused mayhem in the opposition box, Gallagher kept the ball alive and it broke to, of all people, Jelbert who showed a calm head and a cool finish to level the tie.  1-1, game on.  Gallagher then had a chance to put Norwich into the lead but his angled drive was well saved by the keeper.

 

Half time came soon after, and Norwich recharged their batteries and listened to their instructions for the second half.  It was a shame then that the previous nights loud music in Bubblegum had prevented Thom Perrett from hearing his instructions, as just as soon as the whistle for the second half had blown, that Perrett made the mother of all fcuk ups and put the ball into his own net whilst defending the front post from a Stoke corner.  What an absolute mug.

 

Norwich were behind again, but nowadays they are not a team lay down and die.  Determined to get their 'friend' out of the mile deep hole he had dug himself into, Norwich began to play with real verve and determination.  Frazer was everywhere in the midfield, cutting down his adversaries and driving the team forward.  Utting was providing support for the attack down the left hand side, and the team had a new lease of life.  Released into the channels Gallagher squared the ball across the box on a couple of occasions, only to see the ball agonisingly fail to be converted.  Then came the breakthrough, Gallagher ran at the home defence once more, got his shot away, and when the keeper palmed it out Jelbert raced in to stab home the rebound and complete his brace.  Cue wild celebrations amongst fans and players alike.

 

With the scorelines now level, Norwich looked to go and get a winner, and they did so with confidence, as the back line of Harris, Boucher and Taylor dealt well with the awkward and unorthodox forward line of Stoke.  Jelbert once more launched a throw into the box, big Dan Taylor rose to flick it on, and who else would be there to nod the decisive goal but Matt Davies.  In the right place at the right time with the right touch (please teach me Matt).  Cue even more wild celebrations and an unbelievable gay dance from Slater, (see photographs).

 

The scoring was not quite over just yet, as there was still time for Tettbook to let rip from long range and make the unfortunate keeper look a little bit silly.  4-2 it finished and a date with destiny awaits the boys in yellow and green. 

 

Get your silly haircuts ready and dust down your suits lads, Its time to teach Aberdeen a lesson.

 

MOTM: Gallagher

 

N. Denys        8

Top drawer performance from the big man

 

P. Harris        8    

Uncompromising display

 

T. Boucher        8

Mr Versatile coped well at sweeper

 

D. Taylor        8

A dominant force in both penalty boxes

 

T. Perrett        6

Having a Shearer haircut is no excuse

 

R. Utting        8

Quality, as always

 

F. Wilson        9

Dictated the game from the engine room

 

I. Jelbert        8.5

Is starting to show a very handy goalscoring ability

 

G. Tett            8

Tettbook display

 

M. Davies        8

Not his finest display in a yellow shirt, but he knows where the goal is

 

C. Gallagher    10

Foregone Conclusion???????

 

A. Higgins        9

Tactics Spot On

 

G. Howard        8

Smoked us to victory

 

N. Seecharan    8

Deserves MOTM for getting that photo of Slater

 

B. Slater        8

Didn't get the chance to save 2 out 5

 

M. Stubbs    8

Nice to meet you mate